HOLLYWOOD HATES YOU

Posted by on August 31st, 2007 filed in Celebrity

Several sources today, including MovieWeb and IESB, say that Jake Gyllenhaal and his offensively ugly sister have been approached about playing the Wonder Twins in the upcoming "Justice League of America" Movie.  Tom Welling is also rumored to be playing Superman, which actually sounds cool, but I'm sure the producers will screw that up, because, to recap, their movie includes retarded twins and a blue monkey with a bucket.  MovieWeb says:

We have a very trusted source fresh from the set of The Dark Knight, who has worked with Maggie Gyllenhaal doing live theater. As you know, Maggie stars as Rachel Dawes (replacing Katie Holmes) in the upcoming bat sequel. Our source confirms that Gyllenhaal has in fact been approached about appearing in the new Justice League of America film. Only, there is a catch. It would be a cameo, in which she would appear alongside her brother Jake.
That's right. The Gyllenhaal siblings have been approached with the idea of playing Jayna and Zan, the Wonder Twins.

These two are seriously the dumbest damn superheros ever created.  She can turn into any animal.  He can turn into anything water-based.  Believe it or not, the crime fighting limitations of an eagle carrying a block of ice with a face occurred to the writers pretty quickly, so Zan would turn into things like an ice bicycle that the monkey would ride around.  Shockingly, that stopped even fewer crimes.  Because a house cat and a bucket of purple water isn't really that scary.  A towel salesmen with a can of tuna could pretty much take over the earth.